Hide your love away by Rosali

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 07/05/2008
Last Updated: 07/05/2008
Status: Completed

It is the 11-year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts and some news from his best friends make
Harry's world come crashing down. First part told from Harry's PoV and second part told
from Hermione's. Of course, no Epilogue. I started cooking this on the 10-year anniversary of
the Battle of Hogwarts (this past weekend) and I decided it might be good to undust the quill,
hehe. Enjoy! R&R too please!




1. The news
-----------

*A/N: A songfic, the second I’ve ever written, to get over my writer’s block. Hope you
enjoy!*

Hide your love away

It is the eleventh anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts today.

A year ago, at exactly this time of night (nearing midnight, of course), while we were waiting
for the banquet to delight us, a song started resounding through the Great Hall. A beautiful
arpeggio I barely remembered hearing years ago in Grimmauld Place, coming from Sirius’ wireless
radio. Double arpeggio now and I drown my glass of Block Tower white. Out of the corner of my I see
some movement from the stairs outside and I look up to see pretty much a mirage of what dazzling
beauty must be (and I’ve met Fleur Delacour). When Ron and I left her at our apartment, getting
ready, she definitely did not look like that. And the golden dress most certainly did not sparkle
like that. *It is not the dress*; an unfamiliar voice tells me inside my head*. It’s
her.*

She smiles to the room in general and her eyes search for me in the honor table first. Another
smile, a more private one now; just for us; my heart soars (now, that is a surprise…) and I smile
back. A moment later, her eyes search for and land on her very own date: my best friend. Strangely
enough, my smile falls and a new, unidentified emotion finds its way through my entrails. Much to
my further bewilderment, I force myself (something I had never done before) to look to my right,
where a gorgeous redhair smiles back as soon as she feels my eyes on her.

“What’s with you?” she asks teasingly.

“Nothing, you look beautiful tonight,” I say truthfully but my head adds *but not as beautiful
as Hermione* and I do a double-take: *what was that about?*

*Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.*

*Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.*

And I did.

After figuring out what that whole ordeal meant, I did hide it away. As long as she was close,
everything would, indeed, be fine.

Every now and again, the lyrics sounded in my head, remembering me of my resolution.

*Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.*

*Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.*

Until now.

Here we are, again in a celebration ball. It wasn’t only the celebration of the 11th
anniversary, of course. This was the celebration of an agreement my beautiful Hermione had achieved
with most of the Wizardring Community in the world. A peace and solidarity agreement for all the
Wizardring World. There wouldn’t ever be such a terrible war again; at least not as long as this
agreement stood.

Again, she came down the stairs as I waited on the honor table, but time she was hand-in-arm
with her long-time partner. Again, the pang of what had morphed into permanent pain and
contradiction struck me and I turned to my right, only that now Ginny Weasley wasn’t there: it was
Luna Lovegood who was in her place.

*Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.*

*Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.*

The good friend she was, agreed at the last minute to dump her own date for the ball and step
into Ginny’s shoes for that night, because after the horribly public breakup we’ve had, I highly
doubted she’d agree to come with me. Of course, she was with another good friend and last minute
date in the same table. Across from us, Ginny and none other than Draco Malfoy smiled his gorgeous
smile and she tried her best to look in peace with everything.

As usual, her eyes searched for mine and I barely had the strength to return that smile which
still belong to just us. Then she turned to Ron and kissed his cheek. I looked away.

*Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
*

They come down and take their respective seats to my left. Of course, Hermione is the closest to
me and her perfume is intoxicating: so gentle, so sweet…

“Hey, handsome,” she says with a smile and kisses my own cheek, but not in the way she kissed
his.

“Hey yourself,” I respond with the same ease, except that mine is staged, as opposed to her
natural ease around me. “Suppose it is redundant to tell you how good you look tonight.”

She blushes and looks away, shaking her head. “Thank you, Harry. You don’t look half-bad
yourself, but you know that as well.” She smiles again and greets Luna and Ginny warmly. A moment
later, she turns back to me. “Harry, how are things… you now?” she asks in a low voice.

“We’re dealing, I suppose.” *But not just with Ginny,* the now-familiar voice adds.

She places her small hand tenderly on my muscled arm and bobs her head to a side. “You know I’m
here for whatever you need, right?” she says and gives me a quick hug.

I can barely hold my position steady.

*How can I even try
I can never win
*

The night passes effortlessly. Luna certainly is an easy partner. We chat, laugh, even dance to
the sound of muggle and wizard’s pop and rock music. At last, dinner is served and before anyone
can tuck in, a glass clicking from my table. I turn, bewildered. Who here would make an
announcement? Ginny and I were through and the media had made sure everyone knew. Luna and Draco we
simple guests here and Neville and Hannah were married years ago…

It is Ron, standing with his crystal cup in hand. Hermione is staring blankly at him; clearly
she is as surprised as I am by this.

*Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say:

Hey you've got to hide your love away
*

“Can I have your attention, please?”

Everyone falls silent. Ron turns pink in the ears and the cheeks and I can’t help but smile at
my best friend. They are happy, and so should I.

“First of all, we should dedicate the minute of silence to our fallen heroes.” He looks down,
and so does everyone, including me.

Remus, Tonks… I look up at young Teddy Lupin, sitting at the Weasley table. Fred… my eyes travel
to George, who looks so much older than his 32 years, sitting next to Angelina and their three year
old, Roxanne. Colin Creevey… Dennis is sitting at the Gryffindor table, and Lavender has her arm
around him. Dumbledore, even Snape…

“Fallen heroes that shall never be forgotten.” Ron echoes my thoughts after a minute or so.
“However, today we not only celebrate their enormous sacrifice, but we also celebrate what we want
to think as the beginning of a new era of wizard collaboration throughout the world. All thanks to
my Hermione’s diligent and intelligent machinations. Please give her a big ovation”

He smiles fondly and calls her “his”. I can’t but bite my heart back and raise my glass while
the rest applaud.

*I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say:

Hey you've got to hide your love away*

“Thank you, thank you very much.” He pauses a moment to call for silence again. “Now, back to
the whole point of this interruption to the banquet. I have known this girl, this woman; for all
that I remember being my life. It’s been 18 years in which she’s had to stand me. During which
we’ve fought, loved, laughed, bickered till we’re forgotten ehat we were bickering about… my pal
Harry can give testimony of that…” everyone laughs briefly and I smile. “In short, it’s been the
most wonderful 18 years of my life.”

Another brief applause.

“Of these 18 years, I’ve dated my dearest Hermione for 9; half of the time I’ve known her.”

*Great Merlin, I know what’s coming. Oh, no, please, no, please, no.*

I look at Hermione and she has the same understanding look in her eyes. Only she isn’t crumbling
inside like I am, she looks like she’s about to burst with happiness.

Complete and utter silence. Expecting.

“…and it is time we move on…” he turns to Hermione, they share a brief look and I feel an
enormous void take over my insides. A second later, he is on one knee and I am sure the void has
penetrated my skin and everyone can see through it.

*Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in*

“Hermione Jane Granger. I love you. Would you do me the honor of standing me for at least some
fifty more years?”

She drawn in a breath and takes a hand to her chest. *Oh, please let her say “no”*, I
desperately and hopelessly think.

“Ronald…” she speaks, “this is…” she stops and turns to me for a moment too short for me to read
her eyes; and for a moment, the fleeting hope that she might have indeed heard my thoughts,
relieves me. “That would be wonderful…” she finally says and everyone in the party, except me, is
bewildered.

I am in shock. Total, irreversible, unbreakable, shock.

Ron stares blankly. “Is that a yes?” he asks hesitantly.

Hermione laughs. “Yes! It is a yes, you silly!” she says and makes him stand from the kneeling
position as he slips the diamond ring in her finger. He lifts her in his arms a good foot from the
ground and they kiss while she still rests between his arms.

As the applause explodes in the Great Hall, I still can’t utter a word and I most certainly
cannot get my muscles to move and imitate the rest. I feel a pinch on my arm coming from Luna’s
side, but I still can’t move. *This can’t be happening. They will be leaving. She will leave our
apartment; the apartment we’ve shared for over ten years now.*

*If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small
*

After they are done kissing, the couple turns to me, both of them radiant, but Hermione’s
expression changes in the matter of seconds.

“Harry? Harry are you all right?” She kneels next to me, her royal-blue dress scraping the
floor.

I still can’t manage to respond, and her warm hand is what brings me back to that particular
time and place. I look at her and my eyes must have told her something she didn’t want to know
because her face falls.

I nod. “Yes, thank you,” I fix my face to a smile and raise my now dead-cold hand to her cheek,
“congratulations, Mione,” I say softly, still dazed.

She frowns almost imperceptibly and shakes her head a little, but before she can speak another
word, Ron cuts in: “Mate, would you do the honor?” he asks, referring to my being best man.

Before I can think the proper answer, a word escapes my mouth. “No.”

Taken aback, Ron’s smile turns to a frown. “What?”

I try to say the right thing now, but apparently my brain has lost all connection with my
speaking device or whatever. “I said, no, I can’t.”

After confirming what he’d heard, Ron leans forward, across Hermione, who is still stunned from
my first look and recent response. “Mate, what are you saying? What’s the matter with you? We have
a thousand guests hearing…” he chastises.

“I know, but I’m sorry,” I am now resigned to not fight whatever my mouth has to say about
this.

“About what?” he asks, alarmed.

“I can’t be your best man, and I certainly cannot attend your wedding. I still don’t have the
death wish so settled in me.”

Gasps and whispers break the sepulchral silence that had taken place until that moment.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I can see how he’s fighting to keep it as cool as possible and
I can also see he’s in the verge of failing miserably.

“It means that going to your wedding, seeing Hermione marry someone else… I can’t do it,” I say,
acquiescent to what ever comes next.

It is Ginny.

“Harry Potter, this better not mean what I think it means…” she warns.

I turn to her, regret clear and honest in my face. “It does, Gin, I am so sorry.”

“You, little…” she can’t continue because Draco has taken her in his arms and whispered
something in her ear that’s made her refrain from physical response to this – it must be said –
treason.

I now turn to Hermione. It’s out now so I better tell her directly, as futile as it may seem.
“Hermione…”

“No, don’t you dare, Harry Potter,” she says menacingly, her eyes holding such anger that I have
to look away.

“I love you, I’m sorry. I’ll go now,” I say and walk out. Where headed? I have no idea.

*Everywhere people stare
Each and every day*

* * *

*A/N: Stay tuned. Already working on their conversation. Please R&R!*



2. Part II - The conversation
-----------------------------



A/N: The song, if you haven't figured it out, is «You've got to hide your love away» by
The Beatles. Here's the second part. Please R&R!

Hide your love away

*What the hell just happened?* My mind reels with unanswered questions, which is something
strange for me, if I may. *How on earth did this happen?* *Why did my best friend in the
whole world just declined from being best man in my wedding? Did he say “I love you”?*

I slump to the chair, motionless, and stare blankly at the threshold through which Harry's
just exited. I look up at my new fiancée, my eyes wide, and I see the same question reflected in
his clear blue eyes.

*Why do I want to go after him instead of staying here?*

“What do we do?” I ask the table in general.

“If you ask me, I would kill him,” Ginny says from across.

I look at Ron now, the same unspoken question. “I have no idea, Mione. I am as cold as you are
in this. Hell! I don't even know if I'm mad at him!”

“Well, if someone in this world deserves to be happy, it is Harry…” a dreamy voice chimes in
from my right.

Ron looks at her for a long moment and then nods. “Yes, you're right, Luna, but…” he is
alack of words, and so are the rest of us.

“I think he needs you,” Luna insists and I stare.

“I have to say I agree, we don't know what he might do.”

“Who called you into this, Malfoy?” Ron asks, his dislike for the man, evident in his tone. “And
what are you insinuating, you git?” he punctuates.

He swiftly ignores the verbal attack. “That I've watched you for as long as you've been
friends, and believe it or not, I am quite observant and know you in several ways,” he
provides.

“Wha—“ Ron begins, but I cut him off with a hand on his forearm, negating with my head.
Fortunately, he agrees and sits back down.

“Mione,” A hand reaches over and touches mine. “This situation is more urgent,” Neville simply
says and glances at Ron, pleading him not to react badly.

Ron nods. “Go, I'll be waiting,” he concedes, not entirely sure of what he's saying.

I look back and forth between him and the Great Hall entrance and I nod, dashing through the
dance floor.

*«**How can I even try
I can never win**»*

As I walk through the corridors of our old school, I wonder where he might have gone. After a
long time, I have to stop and sit to meditate where to go now.

*Where would Ha**r**ry go with a* **-** I swallow **-** *with a broken
heart?*

*Now, wait just a minute.* A stern voice asks inside my head. *Hold on a second.* It
repeats. *How on earth did I break his heart?* Instead of worry, anger starts to build up
inside me. I'd been his, my heart… my soul had belonged to him for so long!

*«**Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away**»***

I shake my head, indignant.

*Hadn't he been the one to tell me, years ago, that I deserved happiness away from all
what he represented?* That phrase had been the one to make me believe he didn't want me as
anything more than a friend.

*«How could* *he say to me
Love will find a way**»*

*Hadn't he told me to give Ron a real chance?* It was because of what he told me that I
finally accepted to go on a real date with Ron, which started quite a decent relationship that had
lasted for nine great years now. And I'm happy! *Why would he do this now?*

I find myself pacing the deserted hall now, and my shoes are killing me. I pull out my wand.
*Reducto!* I pointed at the heel and nearly blew my ankle off… *so much for my outstanding
concentration*… but now I have flat shoes, what a relief! I sigh.

After that relieved sigh, it hit me. The place where Harry and I had shared most of our
confidences; our doubts, our fears… The oak tree under which Harry had once seen, in Sirius'
pensieve, his parents sitting together, sharing their first embrace, their first kiss…

I pretty much run out of the castle and have to stop dead on my tracks when the darkness
swallows me. Of course, it is well past midnight and this is the back of the castle after all… I
stop and wait for my eyes to adjust. I don't want to light my wand for fear of making him
escape me further.**

*«If* *he's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small**»***

*I**'m not* *about to lose my best friend; especially not now with this
Pandora's box opened.* More determined than ever, I set off towards the darkness, straining
my ears for any sound whatsoever.

I walk around looking for the specific place for about ten minutes when I hear a branch on my
left. *Either a very scary creature or Harry. I sure hope it is Harry.*

“What are you doing here?” a defeated voice comes from a couple feet away. “Shouldn't you be
inside with the rest?”

“Harry? Where are you?” I ask the pitch darkness.

“Aren't you supposed to be hating me, along with the rest?”

“Don't be thick, Harry. We were all worried. And I came looking for you.” My teeth chatter;
I hadn't realized how cold it was until now.

“You didn't bring your jacket?” I hear footsteps approaching.

“I was kind of in a rush,” I say acidly. In the blink of an eye, four icy fingers brush against
my bare shoulders and I shiver, but a split second later, the coldness is replaced by a warm coat.
I thank him quietly.

His hands lead me through the dark and we reach the log where Lily Evans and James Potter had
sat some thirty years before. I follow without protest and we sit in the exact same spots
Harry's parents had.

We stay in frail silence for what feels like an eternity and I fell I have to break the
deafening quiet. “What was that all about?” I ask nonchalant, unsure if this was the way to address
such a delicate subject.

Harry stays silent for a moment and then lets out a weak laugh. “I tell you that I love you
minutes after our best friend has proposed and you have agreed to marry him, and you ask `what was
that all about'?” he says entertained and not even I can hold back a snort.

“Well, what do you suggest I should have asked?” I shoot back, a chuckle in my voice.

He is almost laughing out loud. “I don't know… `what the hell is wrong with you?'”

“Fair enough.” Without thinking, I repeat his words: “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Should have thought before speaking. Dead-silence falls again.

“I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't mean to…”

He shakes his head. “No, you did mean to. And you would be foolish to ask otherwise.”

“Well, I tend to be foolish around you when there is no death peril looming over.”

He chuckles again. I love the way he chuckles… *love? What the hell did that come from?* I
tense all over.

The dynamics between extreme tension and the ease of two best friends who know each other only
too well is confusing. For the first time, I have no clue as to what to say next, so I keep
quiet.

Answering my unasked question, Harry speaks. “There isn't much to say, really. I'm in
love with you and I can't stand watching you two marry.”

An avalanche of question spring to mind, and I can't decide which one to ask first. “Since
when?” the shock speaks for me… luckily because I would have never made my mind otherwise.

He frowns, apparently that wasn't the question he was expecting. “A year now; exactly a
year,” he responds simply, opting for honesty now that it's all out.

“But a year ago you were with Ginny… weren't you happy?”

His frown deepens and I wonder what on earth he's thinking I will or should ask. “I was,
definitely.”

“So?”

“Well, you were with Ron, and I figured that as long as you were close, I could deal.”

“Well…” I echo his start. “Congratulations, you did a marvelous job. Now you have an angry and
confused Ginny and two very bewildered best friends who never figured anything of this out.”

He smiles bitterly. “Boy, am I good or what?”

“That is not a good thing.” I chastise. “What else have you been hiding from me?”

“Nothing more, I swear!”

I have no idea what in that four-word sentence triggers me into a spiral of anger and
disappointment I had never felt when thinking of him. I stand, refraining from the sudden urge to
slap him across the face. “I can't be sure now, Harry, can I?! How could you do that!? How
could you…” I don't finish the sentence, for I have a couple of tears to take care of before
they make their way out of my eyes.

“What did you expect me to do!?” Harry asks, standing to be at eye-level with me, except that he
is about a head taller than me, so…

“I—I—I don't know!”

“Would you have wanted me to tell you? When I saw how happy you were?”

“No, but… yes! I would have!”

He stops and his eyes search mine. “But… why?”

*«**Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall**»***

“Because!”

“Because what?”

I look at him and I have absolutely no idea what I am feeling at the moment. So many years… on
both parts. Indigned? Betrayed? Happy? Angry?

My mind decides angry is the predominant emotion. I had worked too hard for this. To get over
him, to work things out with Ron while he matured and became the wonderful man he was now.

Angry it is then! And then I do something I hadn't done in over 15 years, and to the last
person I would have pictured myself doing that to. I slap him across the face with all the strength
I can muster.

Taken by surprise, the blow catches him square on the cheek and he stumbles back, finally
tripping over Lily and James' trunk and falling backwards.

I gasp. “Harry!” I run to where I saw his body fall. When I reach the place, he has his hand on
his cheek and a little blood is coming from the left part of his mouth. His expression is
completely perplexed and he stares at me. “I'm… I'm sorry, are you all right?” I ask
lamely, all traces of anger vanished.

He stares.

I don't know what to say.

He continues to stare and takes my extended hand to lift himself up. “Why?” he asks again.

“Because…” My voice trembles. I can see the truth springing to my lips; a truth I had failed to
see or hadn't wanted to see for so long.

I want to stop it before it's too late… *I'**m with Ron now, I am happy, I will
marry him.*

“Because…” he pushes tentatively, surely scared of another hit.

“Because I have never stopped loving you,” I say, unbelieving of my own words.

“You have never…” he trails off and his eyes grow wide. “Stopped? What do you mean?”

Realizing that my lips won't let me hide it anymore or deceive myself any longer, I just let
it flow. “I have always loved you, Harry. But one day you told me you wanted me to be happy away
from all you represented. You told me to accept a date with Ron that I hadn't accepted so many
time because I hoped you would ask me out one day.”

“You… what? Why didn't you say so?”

“You looked content with Ginny and I kind of had to get used to the idea that you would never
see me as anything more than your best friend.”

*«**Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away**»*

He now closes the distance between us and grabs me by the arms, shaking his head. “Oh Hermione,
I am so sorry! I'm so sorry it took me so long to see it!” He looks straight into my soul, pain
so evident in his green orbs that it even hurts me. “I'm sorry.” He repeats and lets go off me,
head slumped.

I don't know what to do now. *I agreed to marry Ron, I agreed to marry Ron, I love
Ron,* I keep repeating myself but it's no good anymore. Not now after Harry's come
clean. Not now that I know that (evidently) the love of my life loves me back too.

My eyes well up with tears and I gently place my hand on his cheek. Harry looks up, his eyes
bare. I smile at him, our smile, and lean forward. He has the same question in his eyes, but he
doesn't pull away.

It doesn't matter that we're doing something wrong… because it's right. It is right
to be with the person you love, and who loves you back. It's right despite anything that is
going on in either world.

*«**Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say**»***

And we kiss, the most tender, filled with joy and anguish at the same time, the sweetest kiss
either of us has ever shared with anyone.

And we kiss.

Nothing matters in the world.

Our bodies touch. The most caring, passionate, gentle touch.

And we kiss and embrace, and touch, forgetting the whole world and whatever lied beyond the
pitch darkness of our oak tree.

*I love him.*

*I love her .*

Our thoughts echo in the night like fireflies in the dark.

And we love each other forever.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it! I certainly enjoyed writing it! Please leave a thought! Thanks!

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